Well I have been in & out of Helldesk jobs for the past few years and they have been tough. It is not that I am incapable of the work, it has been the behaviour of the people in the workplace that has been the stumbling block.
I feel emotionally drained and exhausted. Having recently come down with a MRSA I picked up working at schools I am now suffering a chronic illness. It just seems that everything has gone wrong. No matter how positive I try to be it just seems I am going thru ever more difficult stages.
Just seems like my life is a whole lot of fits & starts that go nowhere. All the things I ever wanted to do, I never got the chance to do. Everything just seems like a lot of random events that have no meaning or purpose. It is not like I have had a bad accident or cancer but just a whole lot of negative events happening silently in the background.
I have been reading motivational sites but they don't explain why accidents happen or chronic illnesses. Also there are 3 million people a day that earn less than $2 so there a lot of people with bad luck. I guess our society only focuses on the winners, who remembers who came 3rd or 4th in the 100 metres?
It is a fine balance on blaming your circumstances or blaming yourself. My mind has been going through all the circumstances and they have been quite tough. Not much room for error, and constantly at the mercy of those who really should not have any authority.
It makes me really understand that the current established society is no good. There is no justice and the policies are increasingly atrocious. As a result authors/personalities such as Alex Jones, David Icke, Zecharia Sitchin really have had my interest over the past few years; as there alternate versions of reality suit my predicament of a reality that has been sour at the behest of the merciless.
I guess that most people get caught up with their life & reality that they really don't think that it could be different or any better.
One of the errors of our society is the pressure of growth. Why is growth growth growth so important. Too much growth causes overcrowding and a burden of work, it depletes its surroundings. Balance is the key.
When you first look at a big city, the huge skyscrapers make an impression. But the deeper you look, the dome of pollution and the foul rivers of the city, gives you the true aspect of the death & destruction our modern societies cause.